I've Been Thinking

I know, it's dangerous, but I've been thinking A LOT about parents, kids and their relationships here lately.

The feelings evoked from these trains of thought are varied, you know, to go with my multiple personalities :)

• humor ~ Kids really are a hoot, and so much of it closely mirrors their parents
• fear ~ when I see how selfish we can be as parents
• honor ~ I see more clearly now what it takes to parent, you pretty much lay down your life
• frustration ~ why do people act like their kids can/ should raise themselves
• appreciation ~ for our many blessings, but also for all our parents have, and continue to, invest in our lives

I LOVE my kids! Just typing it brings tears to my eyes. Those 5 little, no I guess not little, miniature people God entrusted to us.

Right now they are learning cooperation as they (5) play the Wii (4 controllers). It is GOOD to have them home! I miss them when they are gone! There has been a lot of redirection here lately.

• Learning not to interrupt.
• Learning to co operate and get chores done so we can play.
• Learning to mow
• and do dishes... by hand
• to pitch in on a church demolition project
• to tend babies
• to cook
• and that a whole bottle of peppermint flavor is NOT a good addition to a batch of pancakes. 1 tsp. maybe, but not the whole bottle
• to decorate cakes

.... to decorate cakes... that one is the cause for most of my pondering today.

Today, Jon turns 10! When asked what he wanted for his birthday dessert, his first response was "mud dessert". Cool, easy! On second hand he wanted a tractor cake. Okay..... Call the library, yes they do have a tractor pan. Bust a move to pick it up before close. Take 4 kids shopping for a long list of groceries and cake supplies. AND today, on the hottest day in history, bake a cake.

I have to tell you, I learned to decorate cakes before I had a license. It was fun back then. The opportunity for creativity was limitless and the compliments stroked my need for affirmation.

These days I feel most creative when I figure out how to accomplish all my day demands. And those demands are many. From 5:30 AM until 10pm I am constantly aware of 100 things needing to be done. Yes, I am quite adept at ignoring these things, but it is usually due to a more pressing need, sometimes sleep or a break, presenting it self.

I am constantly doing, but I am learning, doing, is how I communicate my love to those around me.

Today brought that sharply into focus for me:

• digging out the cake decorating supplies... "I love you Jon"
• overseeing his cake making process W/O taking over "I love you Jon"
• baking a swirl cake (read: 2x the mess) " I love you Jon"
• not throwing the cake/ cake pan out the window when it is stuck in the pan and coming out in chunks
• letting him make the frosting
• using decorator bags, tips, and what not

"I love you!"

And I wonder, will he ever know how much I love him? I know most often I am not speaking his love language. But this time of my heart telling my mind, "It will be cleaned later, let him create. It's not just about getting a tractor cake made, it's about the process." is me trying to say "I love you" in a different way, his way.

I am thankful for summer! So often the school year flies by with these dear ones swirling around me. There is so much to be done! But now there is time to process. Now we get to cover in love and bear each other's burdens.

I am quite sure even summer is not long enough to mine the treasures wrapped up in each of my children, but I pray one day, possibly 20 years from now, they look back and realize.... she was saying "I love you". Because today as I thought about my own mother I realized, there were far more "I love you"s spoken than the ones that crossed her lips.